Happily Ever After?

The old man’s beat up truck slowly approached the stop light. His wife sat in the passenger seat, as she always did. Looking out the window she noticed a young couple in the car next to them. Watching them cuddle, she began to reminiesce of times past when she and her husband did the same. Looking over at her husband, she said, “why don’t we sit close like that anymore”? With his hands firmly gripping the steering wheel he calmly replied, “I haven’t moved”.

What’s Love Got to do With It?

So often, this is what happens in our marriages. Before we know it, we start to drift. Of course, we never intend for this to happen, but suddenly you realize, things are not what they once were.

When we said our vows, we believed that the marriage would be happy forever. Then, reality sets in, responsibilities take over. Life moves forward at a blistering pace. We may wake up one day and realize that the honeymoon is over. We don’t feel the same love that we once did. Sadly, this is the point at which many marriages deteriorate. If our marriage is going to last, we have to be prepared for these inevitably difficult times. Most people go into marriage believing that love alone is all they need. In reality, it’s just not that simple.

The “Seemingly Mundane” Side of Marriage

If we are going to have a marriage that last a lifetime, then we need to have at least two things in addition to love. The first is “WILL”! By that I mean, choice. Specifically, making the choice to stay in our marriage. Sounds exciting doesn’t it! There’s nothing that will sweep you off your feet about “will”. That’s why we see so little of it in hollywood movies. But the truth is that no marriage can last a lifetime without “will”. This is what keeps us going when we don’t feel “in love”.

The second thing we need, is “WORK”! A marriage that last a lifetime requires A LOT of WORK. So many marriages struggle because they wait until they have a problem before they put any work into the relationship. Let me use the analogy of a car. If you blow up the engine in your car because you didn’t change the oil, then it’s going to take much more than an oil change to get it running again. Yet, a simple oil change BEFORE it blew up would have prevented the disaster all together. The same idea applies to marriage.

Making “Happily Ever After” A Reality

People tend to say “if it isn’t broke then don’t fix it”. But when it comes to marriage this attitude can lead to trouble. Rather, we should say, “as long as I’m willingly maintaining my marriage, it won’t break”. That is when we will begin to experience what it truly means to live happily ever after! Are you and your spouse regularly strengthening your marriage or are you hoping that love alone will be enough? What will you do when you don’t feel love anymore? I have found great value in regularly doing things to strengthen my marriage. Things like:

• Going on weekly dates: This can be anything. A nice dinner out, a visit to your local coffee shop for some time to talk, or even just sitting on the couch together and talking after the kids go to bed. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, just do it. And consider throwing out the idea that Quality is better than Quantity. When it comes to marriage they are equally important. A really deep 10 minutes, just won’t cut it!
• Reading books on marriage: I admit, my wife has read far more marriage books than I have. But us guys still need to read them too. There are some great books out there. Pick one and read it one chapter at a time. Don’t get stuck in the, “I just don’t have time” mentality. Plan to get together with your spouse and review what you thought of that chapter.
• Attending marriage retreats: These are always a fun way to invest in your marriage. My wife and I attend one annually that allows us to bring the kids. There are people that volunteer to do stuff with the kids while the parents are in session. Remember, we are on the mission field so our babysitting options are limited. Ideally you can attend one while family or friends take shifts with your children. Don’t be too prideful to let someone take them for “The Whole Weekend”! Yes you may feel a little sense of guilt leaving the responsibility to someone else for 3 days, but consider this…you are making an imperative investment in their future.
• Getting marriage counseling: This is a biggie. Don’t think of counseling in the sense of fixing what’s broken. Rather, it’s a chance to sharpen communication skills and build intimacy. Many people are not aware of this but my wife and I receive weekly marriage counseling and it has done amazing things in our marriage. Remember, this doesn’t have to be paid counseling. Try finding an older married couple in your church or community that is willing to invest in you. You could also check with your pastor. Many churches can offer counseling or at least point you in the right direction. Again, there are lots of great books you could go through with a mentoring couple.

With an act of your Will and intentional Work, you’ll see amazing results. Putting some of these ideas into practice regularly will bring you closer to “Happily Ever After”.

How About You?

What are some of the ways that you and your spouse strengthen your marriage?